TOP SECRET//SI//REL USA, FVEY National Security Agency/Central Security Service Information Paper 0x74686520656E64206973206E696768 AlligatorCon Europe 2024 Edition 5, 6 and 7th of September @ Kraków, Poland aka Pierogiland

-= [ AlligatorCon Europe 2024 ] =-
[--- Kraków... Kraków never changes This is it, folks! We are living in the future! Although... it's not exactly the future we were promised. Instead of a shiny Space Era where we boldly go where no one else has gone before, we are stuck on Earth. We do have self driving cars, but they can be fooled by a sticker. We've got AI but all we can ask them to do is set an alarm for tomorrow, change the song we're listening to, make incredibly shitty art or write even buggier code than we already write ourselves. So, let's head back to the past! Let's celebrate the dreams of a future that was still great!

Never forget what they took from us

This year we are needed more than ever, so we are once again hosting our absolutely serious and professional get together that you can totally convince your boss to pay you a trip for! And more importantly, in the spirit of reclaiming our glorious past... we are back in Kraków, friends! That's right, we're once again roaming the streets of the Best City in the World! In order to account for the ever increasing effects of Climate Change, we are also changing the dates to the first week of September, so you lovely bastards can stop complaining about the weather, too! See, y'all can't say we don't listen to your feedback. 😉 You'll also notice we are announcing three days now. The first two days (Thursday and Friday) we will have the talks, and on Saturday we'll be hosting our classic BBQ. Be sure to book your flights and hotels accordingly! As always, AlligatorCon is 100% free. If you've got your invite token from the past edition, just register at our website to reserve a spot. If you're new to AlligatorCon and want to get an invite here are the instructions on how to do so. Bribing us with sex, drugs and other vices (what other conferences call "making a donation") is always also a great way to get an invite as per usual. The venue address and the location of all parties (yes, parties, plural) will be revealed at the last possible moment only to those who were invited, and you should not reveal it to anyone else at the risk of a permanent ban. The general area where the event will take place is in Zabłocie, where all the cool kids hang out these days.
[--- Rules of the Alligator
  • You do not talk about AlligatorCon.
  • You do not talk about AlligatorCon.
  • If this is your first night at AlligatorCon, you have to hack.
  • You can present using your IRC nick, Mastodon handle, BDSM dungeon moniker, whatever the hell you want but never with your real name.
  • No cameras unless explicitly allowed by everyone in the picture, and no videos of the talks. If the spooks want to spy on us let's make them work for it.
  • The contents or even the title of some talks may not be public, on request of the speaker. Never discuss them after AlligatorCon ends, or you'll be banned forever. And we mean it.
[--- Call For Participation
Send your proposal to: TL;DR just hack some shit and tell us how we all can do it too, for teh lulz. Now for the long version... WHAT WE WANT: The AlligatorCon Honorable Evaluation Commitee is interested in no-nonsense talks about hacking. We prefer technical talks but non-technical yet "unusual" ones are good too - the further you stray from your typical conference talk, the better. Bonus points for presentations that include code, practical examples, and live demos. The usual topics include pentesting, exploitation, pwnage, 0days, phreaking, rootkits, radio, satellites, spreading knowledge, evading censorship, old sch00l shit, new sch00l shit, worshipping Satan, raising the dead, fun times. Confidentiality is key, so don't hesitate to propose topics that "legit" conferences would never accept. You can check out the schedules for previous years to give you an idea of what's been presented before:
  • 2023 - All Hail Our AI Overlords
  • 2022 - We Survided The Pandemic And All We Got Was This Poster
  • 2021 - 404 Conference Not Found
  • 2020 - 404 Conference Not Found
  • 2019 - Hell Yeah, AlligatorCon!
  • 2018 - Keep Calm And AlligatorCon
  • 2017 - Do Not Talk About AlligatorCon
  • 2016 - The Horror! The Monstrosity! The Lulz!
  • 2015 - The Alligator Goes International
WHAT WE DON'T WANT: We all know how fun it is to make your employer pay for your party trip, but there is a strict rule of NO CORPORATE BS TALKS. Nobody gives a flying crap who your employer is and how the product you're selling will change our lives and how many multi-letter certifications you got - just hack stuff or shut up. HOW WE WANT IT: Our format is the following: one hour slots for everyone, but how much you use is completely optional. We recommend 40 minute talks, to give people time to drink a beer or mate, chat and relax before the next talk. For really quick topics (5-10 minutes) it's probably best to use the lightning talks slot, it's free-for-all -- just like a rap battle, you go up on stage and grab the mic.
[--- Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a conference trip
Free accommodation is kindly provided by Elon Musk and his team of scientists, all you have to do is let them burrow inside your brain for a bit so they can put a chip in it, no biggie. Free hosting and 5G straight into your mind? That's a win-win, folks!

Our most generous sponsor yet

Alternatively, there's plenty of hotels, hostels, apartments and Airbnbs for rent in Kraków. This city also has a really amazing CouchSurfing community that you should definitely reach out to. And of course you're welcome to bring a sleeping bag and crash at a friendly local hacker's home, a popular choice of AlligatorCon attendees every year. As for public transport, there are buses from the Kraków airport to the city center as well as a train to the main station, or you can alternatively fly to Warsaw or Katowice and go from there to Kraków by train (it's sometimes cheaper).
[--- We are the all singing, all dancing crap of the infosec world
The venerable Organizing Committee for this year will be:
  • Kurwa Małpka, Count Crapula & The Face Dancer, the true Illuminati
  • El Santa on original artwork
  • Elon Musk on human experimentation
  • Javier Milei on accounting and animal cloning
  • Vladimir Lenin and Walt Disney on cryogenics
Special thanks go to Xava Kosmosach for that original web design we keep rehashing every year since 2016. If anyone sees him and he asks why we haven't paid him for it yet, tell him... uhm... the check is on the mail or something, dunno.
[--- Sponsors
This year's event is proudly sponsored by: Vault-Tec who will be showcasing their amazing new shelters, and Tesla Motors and SpaceX who will be presenting the latest in self-destructing vehicles. Special thanks to the law enforcement agencies from many countries for their relentless interest in our activities. We love you guys! #BlueLivesMatter Do zobaczenia w Krakowie!
0x74686520656E64206973206E696768 [EOF]